Love can create a rich sense of intimacy and emotional connection. Having a lifelong partner can bring a wealth of comfort, purpose, and unwavering support. Marriage is a significant life milestone to be proud of. However, external influences can naturally threaten the emotional yet legal marriage bond. If a couple fails to overcome certain obstacles, the air begins to thicken over time, and four devastating words abruptly shatter the silence – “I want a divorce”. If you’ve heard this or are considering filing for divorce, understanding the psychological and financial impact can help you make informed decisions and better navigate the challenges ahead. 

What is Divorce?

Most of us have heard the word divorce. Whether your parents have gone through one, or it has been a lifelong fear of yours. Nevertheless, understanding the dissolution of marriage can bring formal clarity to the divorce process as a whole. According to the Maryland Courts (n.d), a divorce, also called absolute divorce, occurs when a court officially terminates your marriage. The court will then enter a divorce decree and settle disputes covering spousal support, property division, custodial and support arrangements, etc.

Divorce Rate Statistics

According to the United States Census Bureau (CB), marriage rates held steady, and the divorce rate declined from 2012 to 2022. For example, in the United States, approximately 16.7 out of every 1,000 women aged 15 and older got married within the past 12 months. The national divorce rate in 2022 was 7.1 per 1,000 females. 

If a married couple fails to adapt to unforeseen life events, their relationship may gradually weaken. Emotional distance and poor communication can lead to worsened marital conflict. This can result in infidelity or emotional affairs, or a gradual breakdown of trust and intimacy within a marriage. External influences that can weaken a marriage if left unaddressed include:

• Job loss
• Illness
• Infertility
• Financial crisis
• Long-distance separation
• Mental health challenges
• Adultery
• Death in the family
• Accident, injury, or disability

Turning the Tide Before Filing for Divorce

Fixing a marriage takes more than simply putting flowers on the table or signing a sorry Hallmark card. You could be incredibly persuasive, but still get ignored, like hitting a brick wall just before you turn in for the night. If you are at the point in your marriage where you feel like a ghost in your own house, the thought of divorce might be on your radar. Provided there’s no domestic violence and your mental health remains intact, breaking down preemptive repair strategies can help. Relationship-strengthening tools that can help repair your broken marriage might include: 

• Marriage counseling
• Spiritual counseling or prayer
• Marriage intensive retreats
• Structured separation
• Relationship workbooks
• Guidance through friends or mentors
• Marriage support groups

How to Communicate With Your Spouse About Filing for Divorce

Divorce is just as transformative as marriage itself. Therefore, you must feel confident in your decision to move forward, just as you were the day you said “yes”. If you have exhausted all reconciliation efforts, it may be time to communicate your divorce intentions using clarity and compassion with your spouse.

Divorce is not something to take lightly, and may just be the most difficult conversation you have with your spouse. If your marriage has experienced significant conflict, instability, and distress, bringing up divorce may escalate tensions. In other words, if your marriage is on the rocks, it is important to not only take careful consideration of your partner’s feelings but also approach the conversation with the following principles:

• Choose the right time and place
• Be clear and concise
• Remain calm and content
• Be honest and respectful
• Express feelings without blame
• Use neutral language
• Don’t drag it out
• Create a space away from your children

Understanding How Filing for Divorce Affects Your Mental Health

It is worth noting that interpersonal relationships play a significant role in one’s overall well-being. Depending on your situation, going through a divorce can take a serious toll on your mental and physical health. Predisposed mental health conditions, substance use disorders, or hostility may increase one’s risk of enduring poor outcomes after divorce. 

Although most divorced individuals respond with resilience after marriage, research indicates that about 10 to 15% face substantial challenges. Moreover, experiencing a divorce increases the risk of mortality by 23% in the subsequent follow-up period. Divorced men are more likely to experience early death in comparison to divorced women. 

Understanding How Filing for Divorce Affects Children and the Family

Filing for divorce not only affects the couple but also their family as a whole. Separation can mark a long-term impact on children. A child’s life can change significantly. Kids often experience problems adapting to living arrangements, school changes, or a drop in family income. As a result, children may experience social, psychological, or behavioral difficulties. Kids may face problems forming long-lasting relationships or find it challenging to resolve conflicts with peers. Children may also experience the following: 

• Increased fear of abandonment
• Decreased self-esteem
• Increased likelihood of developing anxiety disorders
• Experience tantrums, anger outbursts, or crying spells
• Declined academic achievement
• Withdraw from family or friends
• Engage in risky behaviors

Understanding the Financial Impact of Divorce

In some cases, the financial impact of divorce can be extensive and intensify your debt burden. Depending on your situation, alimony, court-ordered assistance, or monthly spousal support can significantly impact your financial state after filing for divorce. Aside from attorney fees and court costs, you may also experience changes in:

• Asset division
• Child support
• Life insurance
• Health benefits
• Tax status
• Retirement savings and pensions
• Single income
• New responsibilities

The Importance of Creating a Strong Support System After Filing for Divorce

Although divorce can negatively impact the family as a whole, building a strong support system can improve everyone’s ability to cope. Cooperative parenting can provide emotional stability and respect your child’s well-being while reducing the level of conflict after filing for divorce. Legal and financial advisors can help the family make sound custody and financial decisions.

Life can feel lonely and sometimes isolated after filing for divorce. Building a strong support network of family and friends can provide a safe space to build healthy connections and effectively recover. Not everyone has a supportive family or circle of friends to confide in. Take heart in knowing that gaining access to community resources through your local government can open doors for spiritual support, childcare, peer support, and living and housing assistance. 

Understanding the Divorce Process

Do you have important documents organized? Birth certificates, bank statements, deeds, and wills? If you are considering filing for divorce, you may need to gather your paperwork. Once you are prepared, you can expect to consult with a divorce attorney and choose the type of divorce that best suits your situation: uncontested, contested, mediated, collaborative, or summary divorce. You can then begin filing for divorce and later serve your spouse or respond to the papers. 

After you disclose your financial information, if there is a pressing conflict, you may undergo mediation. If your case is significantly complex, you may proceed to trial and later conclude with a final judgment. It’s important to note that each state and territory sets its divorce laws. Therefore, the laws and procedures that govern the divorce process may vary.

Thinking Carefully Before Making a Decision

Filing for divorce is never an easy decision for anyone. It is essential to recognize that although every marriage may be unique, there is always an opportunity for change. If you feel your marriage is a safe space, listen to your needs over judgment to avoid external peer pressure from family or friends. If you are certain about filing for divorce, additional things to consider include the following: 

• Auto arrangements
• Individual or group therapy
• Timing of divorce
• School or childcare
• Custody and visitation rights
• Routine change
• Pet ownership
• Home ownership
• Commute to and from work
• Household responsibilities
• Career change
• Tertiary education
  

Peer Reviewed by: Evan Compton, J.D., Family Law Attorney — Stern Mendez, LLC (recognized as an Illinois Super Lawyers Rising Star, 2022–2025)